How not to get hired

September 17, 2009 at 11:25 am · Filed under Uncategorized

I’ve been thinking for a while now that I should probably spruce up my resume.  You really never know when you’ll need it, and it’s a lot easier to look at it once every few months to update than it is when you have to think back to “now when did I work there?” 

When I send out cover letters and resumes (I’m not looking, but in general) I’m extremely careful to find the correct contact, spell their name correctly, touch on what the company does, request a position I know is available and how my skills would work to their advantage, etc.  It’s not a generic “Dear Hiring Manager, I’m looking for a position with your company”.  That drives me batty.  I know that I might not always be the perfect person for the job, but I can at least make an attempt at it and prove that I do have the general skills that a competent worker should. 

That being said, I’ve come across plenty of horribly butchered resumes over the last few years from students looking for an internship.  We offer a non-paid position, but now is the time to practice.  If you sent some of the garbage I’ve seen onto an employer, I’m sure they’d laugh even harder than I have. 

Please enjoy my collection of “How Not To Get Hired:  Resume boo-boo’s and no-no’s”

Case #1

  Objective:

My main objective is to acquire an internship, and to use the skills that I have learned to accelerate my ability in the television industry.

Peanut Gallery Commentary:  You are applying for radio. 

Case #2

Broadcast Skills: Sony MD & CD players, writing and recording commercials, live board operations, and Promotions.

Peanut Gallery Commentary:  You know how to work a CD player?  I’m happy to see the play and pause don’t get confused. 

Case #3

  Work Experience:

[December 2009- Current]          [Chase Bank]         [Wilmette, IL]

[Teller]

[Cash handling, Customer Service achievement, Outgoing personality]

Peanut Gallery Commentary:  Please tell me HOW you get a job in the future.  At least she’s got job security. 

 

Case #4

 My name is XXXXXXXX and I am extremely outgoing and entergetic ! I have even had my own television show ”MADE” on MTV! and I have been a model in many national hair shows.

Peanut Gallery Commentary:  1) Spelling mistakes are underlined for you.  Really, you can’t take a sec to look at that?  2)  Yeah, but I was on “True Life: I’m From the Projects” and I know how to cut a bitch.

Case #5

  – Film Credits: “The Fugitive” (extra)

Peanut Gallery Commentary:  I’m glad she wasn’t attacked by the one armed man!

Case #6

  Dear Ms. Zdanowskio

Peanut Gallery Commentary:  My name was spelled THREE times like this.  Apparently my last name changed when I got married to Mr. Zdanowskio.  I hope he’s hot!

Case #7  Hello Angie  

     I am looking for a internship

Peanut Gallery Commentary:  And I am looking for a apple.

Case #8

 Work Experience – A Certified Mystery Shopper.

Peanut Gallery Commentary:  Wow.

 Case #9

 The Anytime Shopper – CEO/President/founder.

This is a Personal Shopping, Lite Errand Service.  I also started this Company this year in 2008.  I Love to shop and wanted to help those who just hate it, Those who due to illness, Medical problems or Disabilities may need my help and Assistance. I also Assist Extremely Busy Corporate and Professional People who

Travel frequently or work Extremely long hours.

My Company also Run Lite Errands as well.

Restrictions do Apply.  This Company office will

Not open until after my internships are Completed.

 Peanut Gallery Commentary:  She opened three companies in 2008….I thought this was the best.  My favorite is that there are restrictions and that her company hasn’t really opened their doors yet.  Too bad, I need some “Lite” errands run.  No pun intended.

On a closing note, never, NEVER, send your picture unless you’re sending it to a modeling agency.  ::cringe::

kisses

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12 Steps to Dating Freedom

September 15, 2009 at 12:53 pm · Filed under Randomness ·Tagged , , , ,

Step #1  Admit you have a problem –  ”Hi my name is Amanda and I have an unhealthy obsession with Hot Men.  Like this one…

My, what a big sword

Step #2 Find a Sponsor – Ask a friends, loved one or pet to support you while you struggle with the urges to do stupid things, like call him back or Facebook stalk him.

Step #3 Join a Support Group – The White Russian Army is currently taking applications.  Requirements are a bottle of Kahlua and mad Karaoke skills.

Step #4 Take this Quiz – “Guy Crazy or Guy Cool-Which are you?” I’m a Moxie in Moderation whatever that means.  I heart Teen quizzes!

Step #5 and I’m out.  Who needs 12 any way?  If you have any good ones, leave em in the comments.  Commander Amander out!

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Bored and empty

September 15, 2009 at 12:07 pm · Filed under Uncategorized

funny_coffeeI’m bored, and my head is void of any exciting posts. 

I wanted to google and post the 12 step recovery program for a breakup, but when I did I got some lame sites with lots of flowers and “find your inner self” crap.  I decided to not look anymore at work, since I probably looked very desperate and lame.  Besides, I think between all of the WRA, we could come up with a much better 12 step program. 

And the sneezing doesn’t stop.  Why.  Stupid allergies.  The coffee cup makes me laugh!

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I hope I didn’t break the blog

September 14, 2009 at 4:18 pm · Filed under Uncategorized

I’m posting this from the wordpress app on my iPhone. I hope I didn’t break the blog. Who knows what I just did! Is everyone okay?!?!

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Discuss amoungst yourselves…

December 3, 2008 at 9:29 am · Filed under Awesomeness ·Tagged , , ,

Since it was in the New York Times I guess White Russians are going to be the next post on Stuff White People like.  And then I won’t be able to enjoy them without some irony.  This just reaffirms that I need to get to Lebowski Fest soon.  I do object to the author calling White Russian drinkers “hipsters.”  Because one day the hipsters will move on and the WRA will still be here to serve, protect and mix a damn good Caucasian.  Enjoy troops.

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I do this to myself…

October 17, 2008 at 9:55 am · Filed under Randomness ·Tagged , , ,

I say every year, I’m not going to watch any new shows.  I say this for a number of reasons, I’m too busy (so true) most new shows are crap, I follow too many already, I don’t have cable.  With more shows online now it is insanely easy to access TV, without the TV.  I’ve watch two shows this week on actual TV, Frontline and Nova.  Yes this is because most of my TV viewing is between the networks and WTTW.  But also I’m not home at nights to even watch stuff on the networks when they air.  I totally agree that in the future we’ll watch all our TV, commercials and all, through the web.

Sidetracking back, my entertainment source Aint It Cool News summarized the Hollywood Reporter on where the fall shows stand for continuing.  Almost every show I watch is on the bubble and all the crap ones I avoid are likely to continue.  WTF.  Really?  How does this happen?  Everytime.  I watched like two ep of Moonlight fulling intending on catching up later, cancelled.  Loved New Amsterdam, midseason on Fox.  Cancelled.  Pushing Daisies cut short because of the strike and is now in peril.  The first 2 ep of the Ex-List were hilarious and warm, bubble land.  But Knight Rider is expect to go to Christmas?  Huh? 

I do it to myself though.  I’m a narrative person, I get invested in the story, very much like my reading habits.  I need to know how it end, how it all ties together.  And I’m fiercely loyal too, friends, sport teams, Project Runway contestants, (Yay Leanne!!).  I’ve been cheerleading for Pushing Daisies since I saw the Pie-lette at ComicCon ‘07.   I can’t have my heart broken anymore by characters that stick around for 13 ep and then are gone.  Instituting a new rule, must have 2 complete seasons before I’ll start watching.  I have to do it, I have to protect myself.  Or start making my own TV.  Which I hear has gotten very easy since this thing the Internet started.

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Super excited!…

October 15, 2008 at 2:45 pm · Filed under Awesomeness ·Tagged ,

Went online today to get my absentee app filled out and sent it.  Perused the sample ballot while I was there and holy cow is there some crazy stuff to vote on in my little corner of the world.  I’m still registered to vote at home, mostly because I move around Chicago too much to bother and also because it’s more fun to participate when I know the people and by know I mean went to grade school with their kids.  Yep, formerly know as Luke’s mom is running against a 15 year incumbent.  As I was explaining that usually happens when someone’s pissed off enough to get on the ballot.  And get this crazy, I’ll be voting on a referendum for carry concealed weapons in the county!!  Now I have no clue which way this is going to go but for my money, I know people at home and the obscene amounts they drink.  So no, I will not be voting yea. This isn’t Texas, or Sparta.  And to cap it all I became a supporter on Facebook of my favorite politician…the Double D.  Who?  Assistant Senate Majority Leader Dick Durbin baby.  Love this guy.  You might have seen him introducing Barack Obama at the Democratic National convention.  He’s one of the best, really.  Heart him.

Moral of the story, forget Diddy, I’ll come after you if you don’t vote, Angie.

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Bored…so bored

October 8, 2008 at 10:06 am · Filed under Randomness ·Tagged , , ,

So what do I do when I’m bored yet have tons of homework to do?  I blog.  About absolutely random things.

I didn’t watch the debates last night. Gasp in fright!  I know who I’m voting for.  What will raising my blood pressure so close to bed help?  I donated, got my button.  I’ve also try avoiding coverage of anything election related.  I expanded that ban to include the economy.  Until I have to knit my own socks there’s really nothing to be done.  By me at least.  

Funny Observation: I was gathering my belongings and self to get off at Lake and I took an inventory of the people around me.  This is really the best part of riding public trans, not just for the crazies, but observing the average person, what they’re doing (I always do a reading/blackberry survey, more readers in the am, more blackberries in the pm), what they look like (many attractive “average” people out there) and of course what they wear.  There were three North Face fleeces standing next to each other waiting to get out and one other unidentifiable fleece.  Stuff White People Like #87.  I can’t talk, I was wearing one too, but in my defense it wasn’t North Face and I stole it fair and square from Lost and Found at the South Fields.  I just found it amusing that three unrelated people made the exact same outerwear choice this morning (cool with light rain). 

So I did something very Library today.  I waited to shelve a bunch of books all at once.  And I put them on a cart and rolled the cart to the stacks!!  And yes, I’m sure you picture this is what I do all day but no.  Since the Library is so small I usually just carry them over and make stacks on the ledges.  But today I used the cart, as it was meant to be used.  So Library.

I think the start of my Fall rut is kicking in.  Its a mixture of summer regret of not doing everything I wanted to, being over the excitement of new classes, sorrow at the prospect of another Chicago winter and a little bit of self pity.  It is just a blah time.  Bored, bored, bored.  I need stimulation. 

Side note – Saw a band on Sat, Atomic Tom.  Pretty good.

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I heart my CTA

September 24, 2008 at 4:54 pm · Filed under Randomness ·Tagged , ,

Taking the CTA is always an adventure. Some pervert was getting off on inappropriatly touching women on our crowded 147. Luckily the driver at Foster reported the creep. It is also a full body workout too, staying upright.

Went to ILA conference at Navy Pier today. ILA is kinda like Comic Con only smaller and for library nerds. It was fun though and a day off of work!

Busy busy weekend. Bachlor/Bachlorette party tomorrow. More conference Friday. D’s wedding Sat. I’ll sleep next week.

PS – digging wordpress for the iPhone.

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Terrible news folks…

September 18, 2008 at 1:02 pm · Filed under Randomness ·Tagged , , ,

Bill Bailey is leaving Nevermind the Buzzcocks.  http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7623854.stm If you know me at all you know my love of this show.  Brit comedians and celebrities answer questions about pop music.  It’s kinda like Who’s Line is it Anyway where the point isn’t the game but the excuse to be funny.  Only thingis NMTB is funny.  Very funny.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nuLb-DjCxs (Yes viewing enjoyment requires working knowledge of British slang.  Urban Dictionary is helpful.  Practice with these, slag, helmet, twat)

I also appreciate that they must ply their guest with lots of booze as evidenced by Amy Winehouses appearance.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihFzr8QPfOg  Or maybe that’s just her.  Really you can see just about every episode on youtube and I hear VH1 plays them sometimes.  I’ll really miss him, he’s hilarious.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMbmWZj3uxk

In other fail news, yes I wore CkOne on purpose yesterday.  It was a sample at Macy’s and I’d thought it’d be funny in an ironic, let’s pretend we’re pre-teens again way.  I never expected quite the backlash, haters.  It was an impulse and it won’t happen again.  Maybe for Diya’s wedding but that is a special occasion and we all want to smell like a Y dance.

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