I’ve been thinking for a while now that I should probably spruce up my resume. You really never know when you’ll need it, and it’s a lot easier to look at it once every few months to update than it is when you have to think back to “now when did I work there?”
When I send out cover letters and resumes (I’m not looking, but in general) I’m extremely careful to find the correct contact, spell their name correctly, touch on what the company does, request a position I know is available and how my skills would work to their advantage, etc. It’s not a generic “Dear Hiring Manager, I’m looking for a position with your company”. That drives me batty. I know that I might not always be the perfect person for the job, but I can at least make an attempt at it and prove that I do have the general skills that a competent worker should.
That being said, I’ve come across plenty of horribly butchered resumes over the last few years from students looking for an internship. We offer a non-paid position, but now is the time to practice. If you sent some of the garbage I’ve seen onto an employer, I’m sure they’d laugh even harder than I have.
Please enjoy my collection of “How Not To Get Hired: Resume boo-boo’s and no-no’s”
Case #1
Objective:
My main objective is to acquire an internship, and to use the skills that I have learned to accelerate my ability in the television industry.
Peanut Gallery Commentary: You are applying for radio.
Case #2
Broadcast Skills: Sony MD & CD players, writing and recording commercials, live board operations, and Promotions.
Peanut Gallery Commentary: You know how to work a CD player? I’m happy to see the play and pause don’t get confused.
Case #3
Work Experience:
[December 2009- Current] [Chase Bank] [Wilmette, IL]
[Teller]
[Cash handling, Customer Service achievement, Outgoing personality]
Peanut Gallery Commentary: Please tell me HOW you get a job in the future. At least she’s got job security.
Case #4
My name is XXXXXXXX and I am extremely outgoing and entergetic ! I have even had my own television show ”MADE” on MTV! and I have been a model in many national hair shows.
Peanut Gallery Commentary: 1) Spelling mistakes are underlined for you. Really, you can’t take a sec to look at that? 2) Yeah, but I was on “True Life: I’m From the Projects” and I know how to cut a bitch.
Case #5
– Film Credits: “The Fugitive” (extra)
Peanut Gallery Commentary: I’m glad she wasn’t attacked by the one armed man!
Case #6
Dear Ms. Zdanowskio
Peanut Gallery Commentary: My name was spelled THREE times like this. Apparently my last name changed when I got married to Mr. Zdanowskio. I hope he’s hot!
| Case #7 Hello Angie
I am looking for a internship |
Peanut Gallery Commentary: And I am looking for a apple.
Case #8
Work Experience – A Certified Mystery Shopper.
Peanut Gallery Commentary: Wow.
Case #9
The Anytime Shopper – CEO/President/founder.
This is a Personal Shopping, Lite Errand Service. I also started this Company this year in 2008. I Love to shop and wanted to help those who just hate it, Those who due to illness, Medical problems or Disabilities may need my help and Assistance. I also Assist Extremely Busy Corporate and Professional People who
Travel frequently or work Extremely long hours.
My Company also Run Lite Errands as well.
Restrictions do Apply. This Company office will
Not open until after my internships are Completed.
Peanut Gallery Commentary: She opened three companies in 2008….I thought this was the best. My favorite is that there are restrictions and that her company hasn’t really opened their doors yet. Too bad, I need some “Lite” errands run. No pun intended.
On a closing note, never, NEVER, send your picture unless you’re sending it to a modeling agency. ::cringe::
Amanda K. said
Out of everything I could say all I can think is, did she really take that in the bathroom?
I picture Mr. Zdanowskio as a cross between Orlando Bloom and Dave Grohl.